My, yours and ours: how do we lose ourselves in a relationship?

Personally for him, for her personally and for both, these spaces relate to any activities, friends, hobbies, interests and preferences.

A man, just like a woman, needs rest from her family, for example, in her free time, a woman goes shopping, meets with girlfriends, a man at this time can go to football, go fishing, and much more. Also, there is a time when each of them is at work. And there is still a time intended for general pastime. Then you can sit for a joint viewing of an interesting comedy, have a tasty dinner, or go to the store for the necessary purchases.

Family psychologists say that a healthy relationship is when “I”, “you”, “we”. Each pair has its own limits of permitted and available time. Someone needs to retire for a long time, and this requires a separate corner, in the other family it is not at all required by either of the halves, they simply do not have such a need. It is enough for them to spend the whole day at work, at a distance from each other, and this is enough for them.

The general makes it possible to create a family, your personal gives you the ability to preserve individuality, and to be in the family without losing your identity.

How to define the general and personal?

Problems in the family begin exactly when the personal and the general begins to combine, then there is an imbalance of balance and harmony. Keep your own, and adhere to separateness - this is a man's prerogative. But to unite into one, to be, to love, to have in common is female traits.

These feelings and desires are so deep and embedded in a woman almost from birth, because the desire to create a family, become a mother, and have a home, life belongs to the ladies. But sometimes, the instinct of strong attachment makes the whole family unhappy, including the woman herself.

Of course, being close to a loved one and a loved one is happiness, but there must be a line. When a girl continually sacrifices her interests in order to stay with her beloved at home and not go to a meeting with her friends, here the concept of the personal is lost. This is already a common space. From time to time when a girl refuses her own interests, sacrificing herself, her part is lost.

The most mysterious and unpleasant nuance is that while this is happening, a woman unwittingly becomes a victim. It seems to her that there is nothing of the kind in it, because all this is done on a voluntary basis. However, when all your personal time is spent in favor of total time, it becomes a habit. And over time, looking around, a woman will realize that she has lost all her friends and acquaintances, and hobbies that were once so interesting will become boring and far away. Previously, she was an interesting mysterious person, but now everything is different.

So who is the victim?

All this process proceeds imperceptibly, you are leaking correctly, and you give all "yourself", all that made you a person. It’s not easy to bring everything back to normal. Your soul mate has long been accustomed to the fact that you completely belong to him, and when you start expressing your “I”, you are taken for an egoist, despite the fact that you had your interests at the initial stage of the relationship, and lost them only in the process . The man is angry and indignant, while the woman no longer understands what to do, because apart from her other half, she has no one left.

In this situation, you can quickly turn into the role of the victim, and blame the partner, the circumstances that all the best years are given to the partner. Only here the man in this case is not at all to blame, it is all the fault of the woman herself. Even if the man initially himself put bans on meetings and entertainment, as well as limited the girl’s personal space, the choice was again behind her, she could escape from this by parting with him. It is possible to return your “I” difficultly, slowly, however it is possible. These are all extremes, but sometimes relationships require such, and each family member feels that a precarious period has arrived. It is very difficult to understand where one's own interests are lost, and the loss of oneself as an individual begins.

A desire, in having something in common, and putting together, and a desire to be together on a permanent basis, is completely different. First, it is doable real, and reasonable, the second is naively childish, infantile, meaningless. Deep down, each of us wants to return to early childhood, when the closest and closest people were near on an ongoing basis. But when a person gets older, he learns to endure separation, loss. Having learned this, we do not want to lose, therefore we value even more!
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