Personal boundaries: how to establish and defend?

Opinion about a person is formed on the basis of his behavior. Have you noticed that some people confidently express their thoughts and are able to say "no", while others face internal discomfort, but do not defend their own position? How often do you show flexibility in decision making? Does the critic influence your mood? Personal boundaries allow you to realize your inner world and separate your own opinion from the opinions of others.

What are personal borders?

The concept of personal boundaries is conditional, since it is not a physical object. From the point of view of psychology, such boundaries separate the inner "I" of man. This largely shapes the nature and preferences. You clearly understand what is acceptable and what is not. In a generalized sense, we can say that a person is defined by his personal boundaries. After all, his judgments about this or that situation are dictated by how it is combined with his perception of the norm.

Types of personal boundaries

Among the types of personal boundaries, first of all, it is necessary to distinguish the physical. If the person with whom you communicate, will approach you too closely, you are likely to feel uncomfortable. There is a similar because the personal zone (1-1, 5 meters) has been violated. For public speaking, the optimal distance between the speaker and the listeners is at least 3, 5 meters. This is a social zone. For people with whom you communicate within the framework of a business conversation, an acceptable boundary will be a distance of 1, 5 meters, it is customary to call it a personal area.

Alas, the emotional boundaries can not be measured by meters. However, they become quite obvious when people insult you or ask tactless questions. Violation of emotional boundaries can and remarks about the other person. If you take your statements about a friend, relative or colleague close to your heart, this can also be regarded as a violation of the borders.

The boundaries of personal space are expressed not only in protecting your privacy, when you need it. The use of personal belongings by outsiders is also regarded as an unacceptable assault. What feelings do you experience if a friend wears your dress, and at work someone from your colleagues will drink coffee from your mug?

How to designate personal boundaries?

Before you define your personal boundaries, you need to understand them. It is preferable to understand what actions and actions are acceptable to you, and which ones are not until the moment when your borders break and a quarrel occurs. Many conflicts with loved ones can be avoided if you tell the interlocutor beforehand what irritates you and touches you. However, the number of demands from the category "do not do this" and "do not talk to me like that" must be metered. In order not to create a scandal, make demands on one thing and as much as possible concretize your position.

Denoting your personal boundaries, show respect to others. For example, you do not tolerate delays, but you are regularly late for meetings. It will be difficult to insist on respecting your own personal boundaries if you show indifference to similar requirements of others.

Why is there a violation of personal boundaries?

Often a person voluntarily "surrenders" his personal borders. This happens in situations where it is inconvenient to refuse to parents, friends, colleagues. You can agree to perform additional work or make a decision that contradicts your principles, because in case of refusal or disagreement you are afraid of losing the disposition of others.

Also, personal borders are often violated by people, whom people consider authoritative for themselves for any reason. He will endure insults and try to skip past the ears of mockery, if only not to lose their sympathy. A dangerous situation like this can happen if the person you have exalted for yourself turns out to be a manipulator. If you have a heightened sense of responsibility and you often neglect your own needs for the sake of others, this too can cause the violation of personal boundaries.

How to defend personal boundaries?

In order to protect personal boundaries, it is necessary to formulate the most clear rules regarding the main aspects of your life. Do not answer the calls after 23:00 and do not call anyone yourself? Do you dedicate your hobby to a day off? Let others know that disturbing you at this time is not the best idea.

It is often necessary to defend the borders during a conflict. However, anger is a bad adviser. Trying to protect your rights, you can touch the other person with an unflattering statement. Therefore, we should not go over to individuals and reduce the dialogue to mutual criticism. Explain why personal boundaries are important to you. Since to some extent they are trying to build for themselves each person, it is quite possible, your opponent's position will cause understanding. This is a much more effective way than mutual accusations and abuse.

How not to overdo it?

A person whose personal borders are constantly violated makes concessions in order to maintain good relations with others. He is continually overwhelmed by the care that people think of him. However, falling into the opposite extreme, you run the risk of remaining alone. It is important to understand where personal boundaries end and selfishness begins. Acceptable and unacceptable situations you can always reconsider for yourself. Defending your borders do not violate strangers - this will be the best guarantee of harmonious relationships.
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About the author

Клементина

I love chocolate and books in unlimited quantities. I appreciate communication, a positive attitude and self-development. I try to motivate myself for big and small achievements. Did you have any questions? Feel free to ask))

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