One child - good, but two - better?

Today in Russia, more families decide to confine themselves to one child. In many respects it is connected with objective material difficulties, but sometimes the reasons lie in a completely different plane. And just doubting from the second group I propose to discuss all the pros and cons of the situation when the child is the only one.

Family with one child

In most cases, the only son or daughter receives maximum parental attention and care. He does not have to endure difficult periods, full of jealousy, because of the appearance of new family members, or share his favorite toys. Very rarely, the only child feels in some way strangled, because parents invest in it to the maximum financially.

It is widely believed that in a family with one child, only an egoist can be raised, but this is not entirely true. With an adequate approach to education and timely immersion in society, you can teach and cede, and take care of the younger, and respectful attitude towards adults.

The only inevitable disadvantage for a child growing alone is loneliness. Given the busy schedule of modern parents, it is obvious that they do not have much time for walks with their own children, inviting his peer friends to visit, organizing interesting events. Increasingly, only children are surrounded not by a real company, but by pictures on a television, computer, tablet. It is impossible to communicate with them, of course, and gradually a feeling of isolation unfolds unfamiliar to children, who always have brothers and sisters nearby.

The nuances of raising a single child

A frequent parent error is too much expectation. If there is only one child in the family, usually they demand a lot from him, early start developing classes, try to bring up ideally, according to the books. For grandparents, the kid often becomes also the only grandson, which means that expectations become many times greater.

Try not to overload your own child. Always clearly discern what you are doing for him, and in what way you simply realize your own ambitions. Give your child a happy childhood full of games. He will still be in high school and university. After all, there you will surely expect success from him and in every way try to emphasize this.

If we go back to the financial question, there are probably two options, as parents think. Abstract: "We want to give the child the best" - it can be a good installation. It's more terrible when there is a concrete plan like:
"Our daughter will go to a private garden, the best gymnasium, and in parallel to 3 sections. Namely, she will necessarily be engaged in swimming, music and drawing. And, of course, at the end of the gymnasium, we will pay her a course at Moscow State University. It's all too expensive. "
Such a plan is no longer about caring. He scares his specifics and ignores the interests of the child. What will you do if the child wants to leave after the 9th grade for entering the college for "Acting" and parallel performances in the theater?

Family with two children

Pros of the situation in which there is a brother or sister on the surface. Children are not familiar with the feeling of loneliness, are well socialized, grow more emotionally balanced and soft, more resistant to stress. Younger people develop faster, looking at the example before their eyes.

The view that there are not enough resources with two children (including financial ones) is not entirely true. In fact, it's easier for parents to abandon the hyper-care, the ideal development plans described above. Less loaded children can demonstrate their abilities earlier and with greater pleasure develop them.

But not everything is so smooth. It is worthwhile to think again, before starting a second child, if:
  1. He wants only one of the parents. For example, the husband insists, and the woman still shudders at the memory of birth pain and sleepless nights in the first months.
  2. There is a clear understanding on the basis of previous experience that the spouse will not help in the upbringing, and her mother's own resources are not enough.
  3. The second child is planned, just "to be." Even worse - "in the family there was a boy and a girl" - because the floor can not be planned, and if a "wrong" child is born, a sad future awaits him.
  4. It would be desirable not one more kid with whom will share love, and the nurse to the senior on the future when parents will not become (actually in families where the first-born is a recumbent invalid).
  5. There is a hope that the second child will become a "glue" for the collapsing family. Regardless of whether he copes with the imposed role, the consequences will be deplorable.
The second child should appear in the family, where he is genuinely expected and loved. Only then can he grow up happy and become a good friend to the first-born.

Nuances of education of two children

If you want happiness for both, learn to grow them so that you do without jealousy. You will always put in the example of the elder - the younger one will not be able to feel sufficiently significant. Begin to over-pamper the younger - the elder will feel unwell. And it's useless to explain that he was spoiled as a child the same way: he does not remember this anymore.

I would like to emphasize once again: if your spouse is fixated on the birth of a child of a certain sex (often a boy), think three times if it is worth conceding to him at all. There is a possibility that relations with the older daughter will become cooler, and he will completely immerse himself in the upbringing of his youngest son.

You still conceded, and so it happened? Have enough patience. Explain in detail, what is fraught with the allocation of pets in the family. If necessary, contact a family psychologist.

Maternal fears and what is behind them

We will not consider situations in which women are frightened after the unsuccessful experience of the first pregnancy, involving many difficulties. This is too broad a topic. Consider a couple of other common reasons for doubt.

Own children's experience

Most often, adults are guided by their own memories in many matters. Finding the answer, how many children are enough for happiness - is no exception. You can hear these phrases:
  1. "I did not have any sibling brothers, and I was so lonely, I do not want this to my child."
  2. "I had a younger sister who got all the attention, but my parents did not like me, so I will have one child."
  3. "My mother always regretted that she did not give birth to a second child and looked so unhappy. I do not want to regret it, either. "
Everyone in his own way, on the basis of his own experiences, is in some way right. And still, you should not be guided only by this in deciding how many children there will be in the family, because they will get their own, different from your experience.

Fear not to love

A lot of caring mothers adoring the first child, flashed thoughts: "Is it possible to love someone as much? "They put off the planning of the second child for a long time because of fear that he will feel hurt.

I want to reassure you: most likely, you can become a wonderful mother to both. Surely, before the birth of the first child, you also did not fully imagine what feelings you will have, but now this infinite love fills your heart and warms the baby. And every day it becomes more and more. When you have a second child, you will have opened up spare love resources, which is enough for everyone.

Finally

The decision about how many children should be in your family is your own business. In this matter, you should not listen to the advice of relatives if you are not psychologically ready to change something. At the same time, it is important to distinguish real fears from fictitious ones, in order to not regret years later that they have not decided on the second child.
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About the author

Эльвина Примакова

By education - a psychologist, a teacher of psychology. She is married and has a daughter: she is three years old. Daily I consolidate the theory studied in practice :-) I like to share my experience, I will be glad to your questions and comments.

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