The future with the ex-man

In society, a negative attitude towards women who return to ex-men has developed. "You can not enter the same river twice," the people say, implying that the second attempt will be unsuccessful. Interesting is the fact that the author of the phrase - Heraclitus - had something completely different in mind. Deeply revealing the dynamism of things, the author believed that over time people change and the river is no longer the same: the old water has drained away.

But enough philosophy. What do psychologists say?

When you should not renew the relationship

Be honest with yourself. Why did you think about returning to the person you still love? It's one thing - if you both worked on the bugs and realized that now you can build relationships in a completely different way. Quite a different story - if you miss the evenings from your own loneliness and mentally chew on the best moments of a joint past, idealizing your former partner. If you have completely changed nothing in yourself and are going to do in a renewed relationship the same thing that once led to a break, what result are you waiting for?

In addition, a mistake will be returning to the man if:
  1. He changed it several times. Repeating betrayal means one thing: by your behavior you have made it clear that you can continue to do so, for the flowers, forgive.
  2. Disagreements in views on the future did not coincide and continue to be relevant. For example, you have a very natural desire to get married, and he is categorically against taking responsibility for you.
  3. You are simply afraid of a new relationship, because you need to re-learn a person, whereas the former you know by heart. And yet, assess the situation sensibly: with that man you have already failed once. And with the new, at least there is a chance that something will come out.

When you need to give one more chance

If, after the break, enough time has passed for both of you to realize your own mistakes, turn off negative emotions and regain control of the situation, you have a chance to move to a new level of relationships. It is likely that you simply could not survive the crisis, because there was nowhere to learn such a thing. Maybe you grew up in an incomplete family, or your parents constantly disagreed in difficult situations, instead of trying to keep each other, and then converge again. Not that important. The truth is that you do not need to repeat mistakes of close people.

In terms of relationships, there is much to learn from believers. They say: "It is impossible to separate what God has joined." Perhaps these words will respond in your soul. If you do not believe in higher powers, but only in yourself, do this mental exercise. Remember what you once loved a former man, chose from millions. All these qualities are still alive in it, try to see them again. And if you succeed, most of the claims will disappear, the desire to remake a loved one will come to naught. You will accept him as he is, and the relationship will come to a new level based on unconditional love. If both of you are ready to grow and do the work on the mistakes, renewing the relationship will not be a mistake. But are you ready?
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About the author

Эльвина Примакова

By education - a psychologist, a teacher of psychology. She is married and has a daughter: she is three years old. Daily I consolidate the theory studied in practice :-) I like to share my experience, I will be glad to your questions and comments.

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