What is the dispute about: conflicts of newly minted parents

The birth of a new family member, especially if this child is the first, radically changes his whole life, and divides it into BEFORE and AFTER. In addition to the positive moments and emotions that new parents experience, they also encounter misunderstandings, resentments, and many unresolved situations. How to behave when a conflict situation is heating up and grief and resentment accumulate more and more, how to find the harmony and become a happy family?

A girl named Catherine just recently gave birth to two twins, wonderful girls, and this is what she says: “BEFORE my bloody pains came to light, I heard many times about the infinite love for children, however, no one ever told me about that my attitude towards my husband is changing drastically and the once beloved husband will annoy me in everything. I love my husband even now, this is indisputable, but a common lack of sleep, our anxiety for children, because they have first developed into stresses and tensions. We quarreled on trivial matters, the most banal question, the choice of food for babies, could be a cause for a quarrel.

When the girls grew up a little, we became more relaxed towards them and each other, and now, we smile and remember all those trifles that were once debated. Now everything is different, we try to hear each other and respect each other’s opinions. After talking with other young moms, I learned that almost all of them also encountered such moments. "So, how do you know where that line is, through which you should not go into a relationship, after the birth of children.

Guilt, is there any?

Newly mom: you do not do everything the way you want!

Husband: “Stop seeing the enemy in me, I do not want bad things for our children! ". “My husband has repeatedly said that I correct his every action, thereby degrading him as a father. After all, it seemed to me that I know better than him, how and what to feed the little ones, where and how to hold them. And then, the husband became even more irritated, and just passed me the child, with the words, so that I do what I know! After that, I reproached him for not spending time with children, and it was a solid vicious circle! The husband simply did not know how to behave further, and therefore he was constantly in an irritated state. ”

Solution to the problem

In this case, it is recommended to just sit in a separate room from the husband and children, and think, does your husband and father of children want bad things for them? Was it that the husband harmed the child? Did he offended children in principle?

If all these questions are answered negatively, then why do you have no confidence in him? A man should realize all the responsibility now assigned to him, if you do not give him the opportunity to feel responsibility and feelings that he is a father, this can lead to negative consequences. For example, he will be "cold" to treat the child in the future, because you have not given the opportunity to approach the child on a psychological level.

Try without reproach, and negatively gently hint to him what exactly he is doing wrong, and help him with advice, because men find it harder to adapt to children, they do not have a “maternal instinct”!

A man must realize that he must cope with any difficulty arising in relation to the child, and also, he must feel your trust in him.

Dad without feelings!

She: "Do not you hear that? The baby is crying! How can you be inactive? "

He: “All babies cry, this is normal! He must calm himself! ". “When our baby was two months old, she cried continuously, she was not hungry, we were sure of it, and also, the diapers were clean, but the child did not calm down! Then, I took the girl in my arms, and she fell asleep.

The husband then said, do not touch, let the child learn to calm down on his own, because she doesn’t get off her hands. My indignation knew no bounds, how can he be so calm about the fact that Katyusha is crying! ? Doesn't he care that his child is hysterical? A little later, I understood what my husband meant, and only later, when we went through that period, did I agree with him. ”

Solution to the problem

Man and woman are a priori different creatures, which is why they have different reactions to certain events. The maternal instinct will not allow to calmly relate to the tearful cry of the baby, the mother will always look for ways and actions to stop and help the child, such is nature.

While the father of a child may be more at ease with hysterics and crying, and this does not mean at all that the man does not love the child, this means that men are by their nature more enduring and calm.

Fatigue: who is more tired with the child?

She: “I had a difficult day, I spent it on my feet - I need to rest! ".

He: “I was at work, among people and colleagues, so leave me alone! ". “I understand that work is a tense business, but there, although there is sometimes an opportunity to retire and relax. With a child, I do not have such an opportunity, here you need to be on the alert every minute! When my husband was returning from work, I was so tired that I gave him a child almost from the doorway, and went into another room. I understood that he was tired, but I was also running out, so my calm worried me more! ". (Elena, mother of Grisha and Kati)

Solution to the problem

Each parent has their own responsibilities; both husband and wife must hear and understand each other. Mothering should be performed, it is a fact, however, and the provision of a family also takes place. Therefore, try to endure the time until the husband has a little rest after a hard working day.

It should give him at least an hour, and after that, unobtrusively ask for help. Then, the man himself will enter your position, and understand that if you let him rest, then he simply must give you rest.

Family bed

He: “Please transfer the baby to his cot, because we bought it especially for him! "

She: “No, he will sleep with us! "" The husband is of the opinion that everyone in the family should have their own bed. We spend all day near the child, so the night is our time, says the husband. He believes that the son should get used to sleep alone, otherwise joint sleep on an ongoing basis, to end up being capricious, falling asleep separately. I think that the child should sleep with us, because I went to work, and it is important for me to spend time with my son, even in a dream. ” Maria, mother of Egor.

Solution to the problem

Between parents often there are disputes on the topic “what is more important and necessary to the child.” The meaning of this dispute is to demonstrate that one of them is the best parent. Joint sleep - this is not an indicator of a good parent, because the birth of a baby should not become an obstacle for the spouses.

They should have their own personal space and time, because at that time, when the child is very small, this time can be carved out only at night.
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Елена П

Hello! The circle of my interests is great, and I hope that the information offered by me will be useful and interesting for the reader. I am always open to discussions, including for criticism, I will gladly answer your questions))

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